Bambi - A Story About the "Hood"

Ok, so it’s Friday, I’m gonna keep this short.

Someone sent me a picture of an injured deer yesterday and I somehow got this movie stuck in my head.

Is this not the most accurate portrayal of modern society in a kid’s movie? I mean as far as kids go, it’s no Alice in Wonderland, but if you read between the lines it can be a little messed up.

My theory – It’s a story about the hood.

Here we have a story about a deer, whose mother gets shot and dad isn't around because he is busy being the "Great Prince of the Forest." According to my co-worker that just means he's "hoeing around." So, somehow back in 1942 Walt Disney had the vision to see the future...lots of single mothers raising their kid alone because daddy is being a "hoe" someplace.

So after the mom gets shot daddy miraculously shows up to bail Bambi out, but offers no real emotional support and then leaves again. So he grows up and starts liking this girl (Faline) and ends up killing another dude over her. If that isn’t enough drama, then Bambi himself ends up getting shot after having to fight some dogs off his girl. I mean what I say?! THE HOOD.

When I told my friend I was blogging about Bambi she asked if it was the movie or the stripper. Enough said. What kind of name is Bambi for a boy anyway?!

Tebow vs. the Miami Dolphins

Ok, so this is going to be a rant...

As we all know, the Dolphins are having a terrible season! 0-5 as of 10/23/2011 at 1pm. However, the main focus on this past Sunday's game was not that we were 0-5, but that we were playing the Broncos with former Florida QB Tim Tebow as the starter. Now, I am a Gator fan, but I also love my Dolphins, so I got questioned all week about who I was rooting for. The answer = I love Tebow and wanted to see him do well, but I am a Dolphins fan first, so while I rooted for Tebow's stats to be decent, I wanted my Dolphins to win.

So here is what actually happened, for those of you who didn't waste 3 hours of your lives watching this sorry game. Tebow sucked as much as Michael Jordan when he tried to play baseball (remember that train wreck?). He made terrible decisions and several mistakes. He was so bad that in the 4th Quarter, the score was 15-0 Dolphins. Here is the kicker, the Dolphins should have been up 16-0, but thanks to our garbage coaches (pick one), they went for a 2 point conversion when they scored a Touchdown! Of course they missed said 2 point conversion and had to settle for 6 points instead of 7.

So now it's the 4th quarter and somehow the Broncos get 2 Touchdowns in less than 3 minutes. Then they do a 2 point conversion and get it, which ties the game at 15 all. Had the Dolphins not attempted that idiotic and completely unnecessary 2 point conversion in the first place the score would have ended at 16-15 Dolphins, but noooo, now we have a tied game and OT.

OT starts, and of course we lose by a field goal, final score 18-15 Broncos.

What bothers me is that everyone who had been talking smack about Tebow the entire game now loves him. So I’m sitting there angrily thinking....what the hell is everyone so proud of? Tebow didn't do anything to be proud of. You don’t believe me? His stats speak for themselves. I have one word for that – OVERRATED.

Then I have to put up with garbage headlines like “Denver And Tebow Have Won!" Broncos Stun Dolphins 18-15 In Overtime Thriller” I mean seriously? That was the most boring game of football I have ever witnessed, even the commentators said it! There was nothing thrilling about that game, except maybe the last 3 minutes and then OT (if you like the Broncos).

I love Tim Tebow, but right now he is looking like the next Tony Romo – Overrated till the end!

So Dolphins didn’t win and Tebow’s stats didn’t impress. Here is to 0-6!

Common Courtesy

I was walking to lunch yesterday, and as my co-worker and I were attempting to exit the elevator, a guy rushes in like he was gunning for the end zone! I was like, OK Reggie Bush, settle down! Typically, one lets people get off the elevator before attempting to get in. So that started an entire conversation about "common courtesy."

First of all, let’s talk metro. Why do people insist on getting up before the metro stops? They get up, making the person on the outside seat get up as well, then they start trying to make their way to the door (mind you, train is still in motion). As they walk, everyone is forced to move out of the way and sometimes that requires a person to let go of the hand rail to make way. So now the train starts breaking and everyone starts falling, and all because that inconsiderate SOB couldn't wait till the train came to a full stop before moving.

Some people will tell you it’s rush hour and the train is packed so they don’t want to get stuck, but I have been in the worst rush hours, in the inside seat, in the middle of the metro car, and I still make it to the door (without moving one inch prior to the train stopping). It also doesn’t explain why people do this when it’s NOT rush hour.

Other courtesy calls, which are stated by the PA system on the metro but everyone ignores:

-Please move to the center of the car, do not crowd the doors.
-Please wait until customers get off before attempting to board the train.

I love it when someone gets on the train, knowing there are like 10 other people behind them, and then they just stop, right by the door. So now everyone else is having trouble walking in cause the doors aren't that wide. The best thing is that I watch them to see where they get off (maybe 1 stop, max 2?). These people stay on the train after I'm off, and I have a long commute.

My personal favorite is when the train is full and some A-hole is leaning (full body) against the pole. These poles are not for striping, or for hugging, or for leaning! They are meant for a person to hold on, and it only takes one hand to hold on. So I find myself playing the snowboarding balance game because I can't hang on to anything! D-bags!

Now, on to escalators and walking in narrow hallways, the same principles apply to both. Don’t block the escalators. Stand to the right to allow people to pass you on the left, same concept as driving. I know, I know, nobody follows these rules when driving, especially in Miami, but hell, this is DC, have some common sense! When you’re walking down the halls, if you and your friends are taking up all the room, make sure you are not blocking someone behind you who may be in a hurry, especially if you move like molasses.

The Japanese pretty much have this figured out, it’s a beautiful thing. They don’t block escalators, they have the subway figured out, and when someone is lost or needs to stop for whatever reason, they move out of the way. In a city as crowded as Tokyo, it’s so wonderful to see organized chaos for once! The problem is that people here are selfish and everyone is always in their own little world thinking about themselves.

Eddies

I was speaking with my co-worker, and we got into this random discussion about men. She started to tell me about this guy she dated (Eddie) who was possessive and controlling, and of course treated her poorly. In the discussion, another co-worker started talking about her sister's boyfriend who was verbally abusive. Then I started having flashbacks of my ex, and how he ignored me and lied to me as if that was his part-time job.

So the stories start pouring in, and we realize that we have all dated an "Eddie." Of course Eddie changes nationalities and accents, height and hair color, but at the end of the day he is THAT guy who you wish you could have skipped over in the dating cycle, but didn't.

There are different types of Eddies, the ones who cheat on you, the ones who won't call you his girlfriend (but still want all the benefits of commitment), the ones who use you, the possessive/insecure ones...the list goes on, and on...

My question then becomes, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? We date a guy who we know is a D-bag, but we stick around. Even the strongest, most independent women I know have been caught with an Eddie. They see him from a mile away, they see the red flags, but yet they still date him!

Don't think women are the only ones this happens to, because men have it pretty bad too, we even have a term for it, it's called being whipped! We all have that guy friend who is dating that girl nobody likes. She treats him like dirt and is mean to all his friends, yet he worships her?

This baffles me in so many ways, but I am not here to provide answers, because quite frankly I don't have them. Just be aware that these people are out there, and when you date one, just know that it happens - life goes on...

I'll leave you with a fun quote:

*Chris Rock: "ladies, if you've been dating a guy for 6 months and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend"

Contractors

Oh yes, the infamous government contractors. Why do we have these? Is the question I've been asking myself since I had the wonderful pleasure (sarcasm inserted) to work with them about this time last year.

First of all, they are all so full of it! You show me a contractor and I'll show you a person who can BS their way out of jail with a monopoly card. They walk around re-inventing the wheel and taking credit for it. They make your projects last 3 times as long as they should, because ultimately, all they are trying to do is extend their contracts. Therefore, the longer the project lasts, the longer they stay on board, the longer they get paid.

Here are some of the techniques they used while I worked with them:

Have meetings all day! Every day! The more the better, here is why - meetings assure that nothing is getting done, so you spend all day talking about what is required, but no time is actually spent on moving the project forward. If someone suggests a brilliant idea that will cut the man hours in half, they find holes in the suggestion, and argue until they get their way. Which brings me to my next point...

 Long discussions (a.k.a. arguments). They will sit there and talk circles around any topic because that is what they are trained to do. Again, the point is to extend that project, which extends the contract.

Ignore all suggestions from the government agency. Some contractors forget who works for whom, and they treat the government employees like the incompetent people that stereotypes say we are, because without our input, the project cannot  move forward. 

Meetings about meetings! It is not uncommon for contractors to want to get together with you to discuss what will be discussed AGAIN in a later meeting. So hey, lets talk about what you wanna talk about in that meeting at 2pm...what?! It's 1pm, can't you wait another hour and let me do my job? Anyone else think this is an utter waste of tax payer dollars?

I admit that sometimes contractors are needed, especially when an organization doesn't have the internal talent to accomplish the task at hand. I once worked with contractors from a different company who actually made things better, then again they were computer guys. BUT here is MY problem - when we hire contractors to do a job that should clearly be left to those who are already embedded in the organization, for instance; Leadership Development.

What would a contractor know about developing employees in an organization that they don't belong to? When you have these tools sitting in a meeting, asking what xyz means, and your mouth hits the floor because you're thinking...Really? You are making it mandatory for employees to take a course on xyz, and you don't even know what it is?! Then they develop an entire curriculum based on what other government organizations require in their own Leadership Development programs.

I know what you're thinking, all government organizations are created equal, furthermore, Leadership Development should have the same requirements across the board, but I think not. Different organizations require different skills in order for their leaders to be effective and accomplish their jobs. Therefore, the best way to develop leaders in an organization is by first obtaining the expert opinion of those who have been working there long enough to understand the inner workings of the company. What is its primary mission? Who are they serving? What skills are effective with what job titles?

Contractors wouldn't know the answers to these questions because they work for a contracting company that works very differently from a government agency. Furthermore, their primary objective conflicts with the government. Their objective is to make their contract last as long as possible, therefore wasting precious government resources that you and I are paying for through taxes.

So why have contractors? Is it because everyone is right and government employees are too lazy/incompetent to do the job themselves? Or because it's too expensive to hire someone full time and pay the benefits? Or because ultimately, a contract is only as good as it is renewed?

I don't have the answer to this, I only know that I don't agree with their practices and wish that they could leave the agency's development to those who belong there, those whose careers will be affected by the changes.

Intro

This blog started with my girlfriends and I enjoying our much appreciated yet often short lunch hour. We often joke about life, work, and boys. That's not to say that we dont have our venting sessions where we complain about the above mentioned topics. Nevertheless, whether its a funny joke or a tirade, we tend to keep things interesting, but most importantly - real.

If you are easily offended, you should probably stay away from this blog, since we will make fun of one thing or another with no regard for "hurt feelings." It's not that we are bad people, it's just that life is too short...

I should probably take responsiblity for whats written here, since I'm the one doing the writting, so any angry comments can come to me. However, feel free to share the positives as well. Last, but not least, ENJOY!