Forced Fun

You know those events that you get invited to and you have to go, not because you want to, but because you're expected to?

It's always the same story; my friend really needs me there, my boyfriend would kill me if I don't go, it will hurt my grandma's feelings, etc, etc.

So we show up to the dinner, party, baby shower, or whatever BS event we just got bamboozled into going to. We get there and we don’t know anyone. The one person we know is always talking to someone else, and your friend, boyfriend, or grandma, doesn’t offer you the attention that they promised.

The best part is that everyone acts like they are having such a great time! There is only one way to get through these events…Alcohol.

Rule #1: make sure you find the bar before you start to shake hands and kiss babies.
Rule #2: order something that looks fruity so that people think you’re just drinking juice.
Rule #3: make friends with the bartender, because he will make sure there is less juice in there.

Once you’re sauced it should be easy to have a good time, but before deciding on whether this is actually the best route for you, let’s consider the following…

There are 4 types of drunks out there:

1.      The ones who love everyone (social drunks)

2.      The ones who sit alone in a corner (weirdo)

3.      The slutty ones (daddy issues)

4.      The ones who get angry (unhappy people or D-bags)

If you are 1-3, then proceed as planned, I won’t judge. If you’re # 4 then either you’re too much of a D-bag to actually ever find yourself in the above mentioned predicament in the first place, or you’re a kind hearted soul with internal issues (which you should keep to yourself). So, here are some nice alternatives for how to spend your time at these events:

1.      Food – If you’re eating all the time, then it’s much easier to pretend to be interested in that boring conversation at your table, or whatever awkward spot you’ve been placed in. It’s rude to speak with your mouth full so no one will question why you haven’t piped up.

2.      Walking around the room a few times pretending like you are lost or looking for someone – Stick to one or two laps at a time, otherwise people will start to wonder whether you even belong there.

3.      Looking through your phone for important messages (a.k.a. sex-ting) – Send as many random texts as you can, someone is bound to answer.

4.      Sending important work emails on your phone (a.k.a. playing hangman, scrabble, or any variation of that which you consider fun) – Self explanatory, just don’t yell yatzee! You'll look and sound stupid.

5.      Find the drunkest person in the room and challenge yourself to have a conversation – This one is my favorite, because they will never remember it anyway, so no pressure. Depending on what kind of drunk you choose, you will either have an amazing time, be weirded out, get laid, or get yelled at, so choose wisely.