Zombies?

Can someone please explain to me what this zombie thing in Miami is all about?

Not the story, I know that part, but why everyone is calling it a "zombie attack" when in fact, it was simply a man on drugs.

This guy was on a wacky version of amphetamines called "bath salts." This seems to be a new drug that has similar effects to LSD. Now, when it comes to amphetamines I'm sure we all saw Scarface, people on these drugs don’t go down easy. One of the side effects (like morphine) is that you don’t feel pain, so you can keep going after being shot several times - doesn't mean you're superhuman - just high. Granted, this guy went and ate someone's face off, but that also doesn't make him a zombie, just likely hallucinating and hungry, he probably thought he was eating a hamburger. 

Apparently this is not the first incident the cops have encountered with some a-hole on drugs having superhuman strength. There was another person who was hit by a taxi, proceeded to climb on top of said taxi, and started beating up the car. It took 15 cops to subdue him, and in the process he took a female cop's baton and injured her arm with it. The only difference is that this guy didn’t eat anyone. I guess that's why this particular case of a high dumbass acting crazy is referred to as the zombie attack while the other one didn’t even make headlines.

Anyway I don’t care what they call it, but can we all stop talking about how there is a “zombie epidemic” and stop spreading mass panic? There are no zombies out there, just high/crazy people.

Another "Eddie"

Ever date someone who says they want to see you exclusively, only so that you keep it in your pants while they go and mess around with the rest of the world? Maybe they say that because they don’t want you to meet anyone else, or because they want you to be dedicated, making it the perfect situation for them but a sucky one for you.

What do you do about it? Do you confront the person? Do you play dumb and do whatever you want behind their back? Do you end it? Do you enjoy the ride anyway and brace for the crash later?

I am a firm believer that the best way to predict future behavior is past behavior. For example, I once dated someone who cheated. He said he had changed and felt terrible about it, so I gave him a chance, only to find out he cheated on me too! People don’t change.

We often try to do the right thing, placing faith in others because we need/want to. Sometimes we have faith because the words sound so sweet and it feels so great in that moment that we can’t imagine having it any other way. It’s all a lie you know?  Not trying to be negative, just smart.

There should never be a caveat behind the words "I'll never hurt you," that should have been my first clue. I think my super power is somehow knowing when I am being lied to, manipulated, or straight up toyed with. I can turn off my brain long enough to not notice these things, but the minute that fucker is back online, it’s game over. Sometimes I wish I was dumb, stupid people live in their ignorant bliss and quite frankly, they’re probably happier for it.

In my particular case I had a feeling something was up, a feeling I couldn't shake. It was a long time ago but I still remember the details. It started on a Thursday night, when a picture and an unanswered text spiked my curiosity (or perhaps my better judgement). I admit I started plotting, so I called him to test a theory, knowing he wouldn’t pick up. Friday and Saturday he tried to act normal, but like I said – super powers. Saturday was really what gave him away, he didn’t have to admit to sh*t on Sunday when I asked, because I already knew, I think I just wanted to hear it from him. I told him in passing once that I was really good at playing dumb (emphasis on the word playing), he should have listened, then again I don’t think he cared enough. I hung up the phone, feeling a mix of anger and relief, and he texted me right away with an apology (trying to sound sincere). I swear all I wanted to do was send him this:

But I figured he'd think I was bitter, when in fact I was relieved that it was over, besides, I wasn't even close to love. Anyway, I thought the picture was appropriate and it made me laugh, but I knew he wouldn’t take it well, so I didn’t send it (not everyone shares my twisted sense of humor). 

Wherever he is now I wish him no harm, and I hope he finds happiness in his one-night-stands. This is not coming from a bitter or angry place, because I moved on faster than I imagined, but I never got to vent. Plus, it made for an entertaining blog entry :)

To All The HATERS

Guess what? I found something to rant about, I’m finally back!

This is about my newly developed fanatic impulses towards...(drum roll please)...The New England Patriots! That's right folks, it's bye-bye Dolphins and hello Brady!

I have been catching heat for this choice of mine since last season, and I am here to say that I am tired of all the crap! I am not a sell out, I am not a bandwagoner, and I am definitely not fickle!

I have been a Dolphin fan since 1995, if you'd like I'll do the math for you, it’s 17 years of sucking. I had season tickets during 9-7 and 6-10 seasons, and I didn’t even complain, probably because I was drunk at all the games, but I digress. Hell, I didn’t complain when they had the 1-15 season! However, this franchise has gotten to a point where it is so obvious that management doesn’t give a F*$%, nor do the coaches, or the players for that matter. It's like they don't care about winning, and they don’t care about building a better team, it’s as if they never wanted to go to the Super Bowl again. We have a perfect season, let’s hold on to that forever!

Well I am here to say enough! In case you haven’t noticed from previous blog entries, I really do believe I only get one life and unfortunately football is a huge part of my life. It’s my favorite sport; I breathe, eat, and sweat this stuff on Sundays. So, why on earth would I continue to punish myself by having miserable Sunday after miserable Sunday, September through December, all because of the stupid Dolphins.

Why the patriots? Been getting that a lot too. Well, because they are the evil empire of football for a reason – they give a F*%$#!!! They have an amazing QB, great WRs, and let’s not forget that sexy TE Gronkowski. But you wanna know what my main selling point is? Bill, that’s right you heard me, Bill Belichick. The Dolphins haven’t had a good coach since Don Shula, and I think that is sadly what I miss the most (aside from Marino). What I like about Bill is that he is not afraid to make the tough decisions, he believes in his QB and his team, which is why he was willing to let the Giants score with over a minute left in the Superbowl this year.

I mean you gotta respect a guy that says OK, we can try to stop Eli and succeed, but then they can kick a field goal and give us no time on the clock to come back. We can try to stop Eli and fail, in which case they get a TD and we may have a few seconds on the clock (if lucky) to get a TD ourselves – OR – We let them score now and give our team over a minute to make a TD, plenty of time for a team of that caliber with a QB like Brady. THAT IS FAITH! But better yet THAT IS SMART! Notice how the RB for the Giants scored, he fell ass first into the end zone, why? Because he knew that the Giants needed to burn that clock more than they needed a TD, Bill knew this, actually let’s give credit where it’s due, Tom Coughlin knew this too (good coach as well).

I will push it a step further and I will say that had Welker, Hernandez, and GronKowski not all dropped passes in that last drive, they would have actually had a good shot at the end zone with seconds to go in the game, rather than having to settle for a hallelujah pass. Oh, and if you go back and watch the last 3 seconds of that game, notice that Gronkowski (could have been Hernandez) sees the ball landing in a huddle of jerseys in the end zone and stops running (or trips, I can’t remember), but the ball gets batted up in the air and lands right where he would have been had he not stopped – case and point – it wasn’t meant to be, but not because that team wasn’t giving it all, at least from a coaching standpoint.

That is what I want, Sunday after Sunday, a team that gives a S%#&, a team that tries, a team that leaves it all on the field. I don’t expect Superbowl victories or Superbowl trips every year, just TRY!

For all of you who enjoy sand in your *&^%$ (you all know the joke I don’t need to insert the real words here), then keep rooting for the Dolphins, but I know better.

I’m OUT!

Going the Distance

It dawned on me yesterday that ever since I stopped being angry my blog has gotten kind of boring. I feel like I don't have anything to vent about these days, and I am very disappointed in myself.

So I got to thinking, what do I feel strongly enough about to discuss in a few paragraphs? Long distance relationships came to mind.  I feel like this is one of those things you’re either for or against, there is rarely a gray area. What’s interesting to me is that if you would have asked me a month ago what I thought on this I would have definitely been on the “against” train, but I've started to reconsider.

 

Why was I so against this stuff in the first place? A question I've asked myself many times. Perhaps it was the idea of being in a relationship with someone who you rarely ever see that was disturbing to me. The thought being that if you’re out of sight, you’re likely out of mind, and as someone who was cheated on while dating someone in the same zip code, I feel that long distance would be the unfaithful dream.  You also have to think about the cost of a long distance relationship, the travel time, and ultimately what you get out of it. I believed that with all the fish in the sea, there was never a reason to put yourself or anyone else through the hassle. Assuming you’re not a cheater, are not being cheated on, can afford the trips, and have the time to take them, there is still the crappy part where you miss the person and can’t be with them. Now why would anyone put themselves through this torture? I asked myself.

So, I started picking apart he reasons why I was against it in the first place, and this is what I came up with. While it is true that long distance relationships are not for everyone, I don’t mean this because of the above reasons. I mean this because no matter how many excuses you throw at it, it ultimately comes down to effort and how much you want this person. In my case, the cost and time are not an issue, and the cheating is not an issue on my part (not built that way). So what does that leave? Definitely the fear of being cheated on, and the fact that it’s torture, while there ARE other fish.

If you’re going to get cheated on I am living proof that it’s going to happen, and it doesn’t matter if you live in the same city, zip code, or even the same roof! Of course it’s easier when the person lives 1,000 miles away, but like my good friend Jorge says, haters gonna hate, so cheaters are going to cheat, period. What are you going to do? Doubt everything and drive yourself nuts? If this is the case, then not only should you not attempt a long distance relationship, but you should probably see a psychologist, address your daddy issues, and then try to date someone, because these trust issues will likely be there even if you’re dating locally.

Now on to the next two, the torture that you have to endure not being able to see this person at your will and call, while having other fish in the sea. Let’s start with the fish. I for one can tell you as a woman with standards, there may be fish in the sea, but most of them are like catching a yellow tail snapper that’s less than 12” long, rules will say you have to throw it back (you like that piece of useful info?). The sea is full of these yellow tails, but catching the right one is not so easy. On to my point, if you are lucky enough to find the right “fish,” you shouldn’t throw it back simply because he is difficult to pull off the hook (what is it with me and fishing metaphors today?). Anyway, the right fish is worth the fight it gives you (had to sneak one more in there).

Ok enough with the fishing, you hopefully see the point by now. I would much rather be with someone who I miss all the time and long to be with, torturous as it may sound, than to be with someone who is right next to me all the time, but doesn’t make me feel alive. Life is short, but that doesn’t mean you settle, it means you fight that much harder for the things you want, because you’re likely not getting another chance.