Batman

Preface: I normally post my own thoughts alone, but this time it's different. I had sent Willis an email ranting about Batman, and it turned into a discussion, so I decided to post both sides. Feel free to add under the comment section J

My Rant on “The Dark Knight Rises”:

It just dawned on me that Anne Hathaway may have been good for Talia's character, since she has brown hair and eyes, but not as Catwoman. Why couldn't Charleze Theron, Angelina Jolie, Eva Green, or even Olivia Wilde, be Catwoman? I think even Marion Cotillard (who is in the movie playing some made up character who wasn’t in the comics) would have made a better Catwoman, she at least has green eyes. Do you know they considered Keira Knightley for Catwoman? I mean WTF is Christopher Nolan thinking? She is flat chested and a twig. They also considered flippin Jessica Biel who looks like a horse with those big teeth!

Also, why did they not make Talia his love interest in Batman Begins when she is Ras Al Ghul’s daughter and he was already the main bad guy? I mean there was just not need to make up a fake character (Rachel) for Katie Holmes to play.

While I’m venting, I may as well get it over with and let you know that I hate - absolutely hate - Christian Bale as Batman. He has no charisma, he is the most dull/boring/I don’t wanna sleep with you because your personality turns me off Batman, ever! Even George Clooney I would have slept with! He had charisma. I know it’s the "DARK" Knight and all, but does he have to be so unemotional at all times?! And boring! Jesus!

I can’t wait till this Batman is over and a new Batman movie series comes up, one that doesn’t make up fake characters like Katie Holmes’ character and Marion Cotillard's character, one that doesn’t switch actresses to play the same character, like Maggie Gyllenhaal substituting for Katie Holmes. I mean just when you think it can’t get worse than Katie, it does! That Maggie B*$@% looks like a droopy dog (like the one from the hush puppy commercials).

Reply from Willis:

I completely agree with you that Christopher Nolan has weird taste in his actresses and it should have been Charlize Theron (definitely not Keira Knightley; she is just too over used) but we'll see what this girl does. I've never seen Marion Cotillard in other movies but I'm wondering if her French accent may have been difficult to hide and that's why they did not choose her? But that is possibly beside the point.

As for Christian Bale, I think he hit the Batman that Christopher Nolan wished to explore pretty well actually. I remember there are the two Batmans, the charming/all around/easy going bachelor from the animated series and the dark/broody/jaded one from the later comics, and it is the later one he chose to do. Is he a little too dark? Yes, but I think it serves the purpose and mood of the story he's striving to tell. He's hitting all the main points, like the origin of his training, the fear of bats, and the lack of rhyme or reason of the joker's intentions. So far so good....

But this movie has me worried. Bane was never that huge a character but I do remember him being Hispanic and educated (something the animated series never showed), BUT, he does break Batman's back, so how can he “Rise” with a broken back? As a matter of fact, there is a scene in the preview where they show a man walking with a cane and the reflection looks like Bruce Wayne. This worries me....
We'll see how this goes but in all honesty, I am not excited. I'm anxious and fearful that this might just get ruined the same way that Batman was ruined when it was moved out of the hands of Tim Burton. The third Batman with the Riddler killed it, and it was all downhill from there.

My Last thoughts on this:

Touché on everything you said Willis, except for any references to the animated series. I only go by the comics, any other installation doesn’t count as far as Batman story goes for me J. So, the way I see it, you are right, there are 2 Batmans, the bachelor/fun Batman versus the dark one. The bachelor/fun Batman comes from the early Batman comic books, which eventually got dark anyway (this is the one they likely made the animated series out of). However, there is also the “Dark Knight” Series in which he was dark from the beginning, and that’s the Batman I think Christopher Nolan was aiming for, and that’s the Batman I don’t like.

 

Funny Dog Pics

Thank you Luis for keeping your dogs entertaining.

Christmas Cards

Ah…the holidays, that wonderful time of the year when you get to spend all the money you don’t have on gifts that will be thrown out by the next Christmas. I'm going to be a bit of a Grinch here and ask, what is the point? Why do we spend hours at the mall buying all these presents? Because we love one another? We care? So we need to buy something to show it? I would like to meet the genius that decided to take the three wise men's gifts to Jesus and turn it into the biggest money making scam in all of mankind.

Contrary to my tone, I actually like Christmas, but not because of the gifts. I like Christmas because it’s that special time of the year when everyone gets together one way or the other. I like it because I get days off to see my family who lives 1000 miles away (literally). I also like:

1.      The lights/colors

2.      The food

3.      The parties
4.      Did I mention the food?

The things that ruin Christmas for me are:

1.      Presents

2.      Christmas cards

3.      Christmas Music

4.      Random people knocking on your door like Jojoba’s Witnesses to sing you songs (i.e. Carolers)

5.      Christmas TV programs and movies

Let me touch up on #2 for a minute, Christmas Cards. Why do people give you these absolutely ridiculous cards of them and their family? You know which ones I’m talking about, because we all have those lame family members, friends, or co-workers who take a picture with their kids, print it on a card, and send it to everyone they know!

My roommate has the lamest card up on our fridge right now, and of course I have no idea who these people are. The card has 3 pictures; one of this lady, her husband, and her 2 kids just smiling, then one of the kids alone, and finally…are you ready for this?....another one of the 4 of them being silly! It’s like; “OMG look at how playful and silly and cute we are” – NOT – These people look like tools! The worst part is that I have to stare at this stupid a$$ picture for the rest of my holiday season.

Then, my co-workers started to give me cards, and while some have the decency to keep their idiotic family pictures to themselves, others decided to give me a card with their kids on it!

LISTEN UP AMERICA: are u listening?

NOONE, I repeat, NOONE wants to see you or your kid’s pictures, especially if you’re being “silly” and you think it’s cute. I promise you that while your immediate family may appreciate the gesture, no one outside of that small circle is going to give a F#%$, let alone want to see it. So, you’re just gonna look like a jacka$$ doing your silly poses and everyone is going to make fun of you behind your back. Then, when we are done laughing at you, we are going to give it to the neighbor’s dog as a new chew toy, I mean it is Christmas after all, can’t leave the furry creatures out.

Youth

I was doing some thinking today, reminiscing about my weekend and how I went out to Dupont to watch the Madrid vs. Barcelona soccer game with friends. We drank from 3pm until 2am, because after the game we stuck around for the UFC fights. Then it hit me, this is it, you are only young once. The way your body feels, acts, and looks now will never be again. This is the time to drink all day, stay up late, and do stupid things while you’re at it.

Old people say youth is wasted on the young, because by the time you start to appreciate your youth it’s gone. Typical for a human to want things they don’t have.

You know those things you miss because they’re gone, but when you get them back you realize they weren’t that great to begin with and you start having a hard time remembering why you missed them in the first place? Youth isn’t one of those things.

I could be wrong, because it’s not like I can go back to when I’m young once I get old to try and re-live my youth and determine if it was truly all we hyped it up to be, and in the present a young person can’t judge how awesome youth is because they haven’t gotten old yet, so they have no basis for comparison.

However, I can assure you that we will miss some things from our youth, not because they’re gone, but because quite frankly life is better when we have them. For example, here are my top 5:

1.       Good health

2.      Agility

3.      Beauty

4.      Fast metabolism

5.      Calcium in our bones

Feel free to add to this list, I am sure there is a lot more where that came from.

Loud People

Why are some people SO LOUD?!

They are all over the place, on their cel phones, in the next cubicle at work, with their friends at a restaurant, in the park, at the mall, at the airport, especially at the airport!

To those who cannot keep it down for reasons beyond my comprehension:

1. STFU!
2. Nobody cares
 
I don't care what you truly think about Connan O'Brien, or how you think he is condescending and full of himself.
I really don’t give a hoot about Jersey Shore, who got drunk and slapped whom, whose hair got pulled, or who got in a girl fight.
The Kardashians, their lives, their big booty, or the douche bags they date.
Basketball wives, the bachelor, or survivor.
I don’t care about whatever awesome project you think you are working on, or how great your kids are at playing the guitar.

Do these people hear themselves? Do they really think whatever they have to say is so important that the rest of the world has to hear it?

You know, the truth is I don’t care if people wanna waste their lives talking about such non-consequential crap. It’s their life to waste, not mine, and I sure as hell am not gonna tell them what to do with it. However, it would be nice if people took a minute to realize that you don't have to yell into a cel phone in order to be heard, cubicles are separators (not walls), and most importantly; people who don't know you have no interest in your opinions or whatever it is you enjoy doing on your weekends. So I will repeat myself here when I say - STFU!!!

This tirade was brought to you by...pissed off me!

Friday Thoughts

What matters in this world, what's truly important, it’s not the things you buy or how many friends you have. The color of your hair, the car you drive, or where you work. How many degrees you obtain, or how many people you date. How much money you have, or how perfect/imperfect you are. So what is important?

Laughter
Laugh as hard and loud as you can.  
By yourself or in a crowd.
At someone else, or at yourself.

Time
The only thing in this world that is truly irreplaceable.
Once lost it's lost forever, so enjoy it.
Make the best of it.
Make it last.
Make it memorable.

Truth
Hard to come by.
Hard to find.
Hard to tell sometimes. 

Love
A unique feeling.
Makes you do crazy things.
Can hurt and feel good all at once.
Hard to let go of.
Hard to define.

Where would we be without these things? We wouldn't exist without time, wouldn't enjoy our existence without laughter, wouldn't know right from wrong without truth, and would end up very lonely without love.

Hussies

How do you know if you’re a hussie? - Awesome discussion to be had during a thanksgiving dinner.

I've had two early thanksgiving dinners this week, one with my roommates and one with friends. The friend dinner got a little wild real quick, with questions such as the one above. So, how do you know?

Guys are never hussies, it's apparently just us girls that are given a wide variety of titles to include; hussie, slut, hoe, harlot! Why do we get these titles when our male counterparts don’t? I will never understand. The idea of course is that you get a title when you sleep around, but what constitutes sleeping around? How many is too many?

I think it’s obvious that if you're going to bars every other night and picking up guys to go home with and never see them again, THAT may get you a title (not that I think it should), but here is where the argument starts...What if you don't sleep with a guy unless you're dating? Then we have to try to define dating, and at what point (after you meet someone) do you consider it dating?

After date 1? - Doubtful, because if you never see him again then it isn't dating.
After date 2? - That’s going on a couple of dates, not necessarily dating.
After (insert number of dates here) - You can go on many dates with someone, sleep with them, and never have the "exclusive" talk. This means that while you may not be thought of as a "hoe" because you waited till date 10 to sleep with him, he can still be sleeping with other women, which can make you feel dirty just the same. If the tables were turned and a guy slept with a girl while she was dating other men he wouldn't feel dirty, which is why I think part of this “hussie” stigma comes from us women.

Even if we didn’t place any stigma on ourselves, and decided we are going to continue to sleep with that guy because it pleases us, and that's that! I promise you that at the end of the day that guy will not take you seriously. If a girl starts sleeping with a guy and then wants a relationship, more often than not she isn’t getting one, but if a guy starts sleeping with a girl and then he wants a relationship all is good.

But I digress, so again, how many is too many? Or better yet, how often is too often?

1.      Having sex once or twice a year with a different guy each time?

2.      Having sex 6 times a year but it’s with men you are dating (whatever your definition of this is)?

3.      Having sex once a month with different guys?

4.      Every weekend?

5.      OR is the only way to stay “good” not sleeping with someone until you’re in a relationship?

If you’ve been single a while, male or female, and you’re near your 30s, you’re bound to rack up a number. So I think at some point people need to stop judging each other and realize that a number is just that. It doesn’t tell you anything about a person. How often someone does the deed or who they do it with may shed a little more light on the situation, but still, don’t go around judging until you know all the facts, because good girls can do bad things.

Getting Old?

This weekend I went to Boston, had a lot of fun, met cool new people, and realized I'm getting old.

It's Saturday night and my cousin wants to take me out, but it also happens to be his friend's birthday celebration that night and his friend's girlfriend, who is about 23, decided that we are all going to this club. Let me specify that a club in Boston = a crowded bar with very loud music. Of course my cousin and his girlfriend who are about 30 don't want to go there and neither do I, but they're good friends so we must sacrifice. Per my previous blog entry titled "Forced Fun," I told him not to worry about me, I'm drinking redbull & vodka so I’ll be entertained. Clearly there was no open bar option but we make the best of it. See? I don't just dish out random useless advice; I use it on myself ;-)

So let the forced fun begin. I practically chugged the first redbull vodka and headed for the bar to get another. By the third one I was finally starting to enjoy that sh*# hole and I think so was everyone else. I could have stuck around all night, screaming in my cousin's friend's ear because the music was so loud, but I guess no amount of alcohol was going to keep my cousin there. So after what seemed like an hour or two (tops), we left.

The next place was much quieter, a simple cozy bar with a table by the window which we snagged right away. At this point the troops were down to 4, my cousin, his girl, his friend, and me. Not 20 minutes went by and two of his other friends texted to say they were out of there and were going to join us (apparently they didn’t last much longer either).

So the 6 of us sat there until they closed (at the late hour of 2am!) drinking beer, cracking jokes about clubs, and laughing. In case you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm up there. I thought it was funny that my cousin said “we're going to party till late tonight so get your cat-nap in.” I was like really? You're from Miami, where places don't close till at least 6am, and you think 2am is a late night? LOL, how the mighty have fallen (i.e. gotten old).

With that said, I think you’re officially old when:

1.      You think 2am is late

2.      You no longer dance at clubs

3.      You make fun of those girls who crowd around each other in a circle and (as Dane Cook    

         says) “dance around their purses and shoes”

4.      You like Dane Cook (who let’s be honest, isn’t funny anymore)

5.      You don’t like crowded places

6.      You don’t’ visit any place that plays really loud music.

I will say that I didn't want to leave Boston. Even though I claim to be old, I barely slept while I was there, walked around half the city, visited beautiful places, met really friendly people, and had a lot of fun. I also will say that with a couple of exceptions, guys are not as douchy at the bars there, and we went to one of the “raunchy” places. My cousin says people in Boston are rude, but I didn’t notice, it seemed like quite the opposite because people were friendly and would talk to me for no reason, and no they weren’t just trying to hit on me J

Driver's Ed

What the hell are people doing when they are driving? Depending on the state I'm pretty sure that we can get into a variety of answers, but I can only speak for the following states:

Florida: "Look ma, no blinker"

DC: "I don’t know where the hell I'm going cause these dammed streets don't make no sense"

Virginia: "I'm going to do whatever I want while going super slow because I'm the only person on the road"

NYC: "F you!"

I used to drive a lot, mostly because I like to drive, but also because my parents lived in NY and I had the ability to get there in 5 hours. I have also been known to make 12 hour trips down to Florida to watch the Gators, and I once drove up to DC from Miami, which is about 18 hours. The point? I've seen, and done a lot of crazy stuff on the road.

I once saw a guy on I-95 playing his guitar while driving! I don't know what part of his body he was using to steer the car and I quite frankly don't wanna know, but there he was, jamming with the windows down and the radio up. The song? Sweet Home Alabama! I can't make this stuff up, it's too good! The jury is still out on whether this was pure talent or stupidity.

Another time I saw this couple on the Jersey Turnpike with a portable DVD Player trying to watch Shrek, all they were missing was the popcorn.

Then there was the Asian girl fixing her hair in the mirror while paying zero attention to the road (yes, I am aware or the stereotype here).

We've all seen it, that lady putting on mascara on the highway or that dude eating a huge hamburger while driving with his knee, and let’s not forget about the texters. I'll be honest, I am guilty of doing all 3, and while I've never crashed because I was eating my Big Mac while driving with my knee (god now I'm hungry), or because I was putting on my makeup, I did crash once because I looked down at my phone for like a second! The best part…I knew the girl I rear-ended at 40 MPH. It was a coincidence, but still, I would have preferred a total stranger, because I think the fact that she knew me allowed her to yell at me louder. She and I used to dance together in college (the choreographed type, not the type involving a pole), she was always so composed and classy, but on that day I must have brought out her inner daemon. Case and point, it was very unpleasant, because no one likes their Britney jam session to be interrupted by a violent crash.

Moral of the story is this - while you should stay away from any behavior that takes your eyes off the road and hands off the wheel, if you must be a Jack A$$, at least don't be one with your phone, because in my experience this seems to cause the most havoc.

Gov Workers

A contractor reminded me this week that the hate between gov workers and contractors happens to be mutual J. I don’t know if I just never stopped to look around, but that week I had all sorts of epiphanies.

First of all, I want to make a disclaimer that not all government workers are this way. While I am not one to subscribe to stereotypes, I do believe they come from somewhere. So if someone out there thinks all gov people are lazy, there must be a reason.

Here are some of the trends I’ve picked up on:

Getting by doing the bare minimum – Gov people do everything in their power to avoid responsibility and to do as little work as possible at all times. The longer you’ve been with the government the more this applies to you.

“The Blame Game” - Again the older you are the more this applies to you, because you’ve had years of experience in dodging bullets and getting by unnoticed.

“The Cover-Up Game” - It may be easy to admit you made a mistake somewhere when you’re new, but as the months roll by that excuse gets old. So, when a mistake is made, the newbie tries to cover it up!

I received a call recently form a lady out in an office that shall remain nameless talking about how she entered some dates in the system a year ago and she entered them wrong because she was new. When I ask for documentation and I cross check the facts I realize she didn’t make a mistake, she just didn’t know what to do because the system gave her an error. Instead of reaching out and trying to correct it, she decided to make up a bunch of dates similar enough to the real ones so it would look a mistake should anyone ask. This made me so angry, because she did something wrong and didn’t know how to correct it, but she didn’t reach out to me for help until she had no choice, and then she lied about what really happened!

It doesn’t stop there though, ask anyone who’s been around the organization long enough to do something outside what is required in their daily activities and they will freak out! They create this storm in a glass of water for no good reason other than they are too lazy to go an extra 2 feet, let alone a mile!

There are so many archaic ways of doing things and no one wants to change them because it’s the way it’s been done for years. Nobody in the gov likes to get outside their comfort zone and try something different, because that requires the use of your brain for a change.

Then we have the inevitable/completely useless changes that are implemented every time a new manager steps in. This may not be the case in all organizations, but in mine management rotates every year for reasons I will not get into here. Anyhow, every new manager has 3 things in mind, resume, resume, resume. So they all want to say that they changed something, that they made an “impact”. Sometimes change is good, it makes things better, and fixes old problems, but when someone is changing something like the name of a program every year, or when they are making policy changes every month on things that actually work, you start to wonder how we get anything done at all?

I sometimes can’t keep up with the changes we make here, so how are the people in different offices supposed to know that even though last month the answer was A, this month the answer is B. Yet we get mad at them when they call us with a bunch of messed up ideas, or when they are doing everything wrong. Well duh, we keep changing the rules and not telling them! It’s no wonder contractors hate us.

Honey Badger Don't Care!

Clearly Friday posts are going to be pretty random:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

If You Are Cuban And Like The Dolphins...

Taken from Gabe's Blog at http://phillygdubs.tumblr.com/
check it out.

Funny News

Looking for a great job? your search is over :)

A man "was bombarded with offers after advertising in his village post office for someone to accompany his 88-year-old father Jack on visits to a southern England pub from a nursing home. He offered the lucky winner 7 pounds ($14) an hour plus expenses..."

http://www.funnymos.com/best-job-ever.html

Can you believe this? I've decided I'm going to have a bunch of kids in the hopes that one of them ends up being that cool when I am 88! So if my biological clock expires at 40 and I want to have 10 kids I need to start at 30. Haha, J/K.

I have a better one though, "officer fired after putting wife on list of terrorists to stop her flying home...as a result the woman was unable for three years to return from Pakistan after travelling to the county to visit family"

http://www.funnymos.com/wife-on-terrorist-watch-list.html

Haven't people ever heard of divorce? If I ever get married to anyone I'm going to have a clause somewhere that clearly states, if you get sick of my a$$ you will simply divorce me! Top 3 things you should not do in lieu of divorce:

1. Cheating
2. Experimenting with other men
3. Putting your wife in a no-fly list (HILARIOUS though!)

Forced Fun

You know those events that you get invited to and you have to go, not because you want to, but because you're expected to?

It's always the same story; my friend really needs me there, my boyfriend would kill me if I don't go, it will hurt my grandma's feelings, etc, etc.

So we show up to the dinner, party, baby shower, or whatever BS event we just got bamboozled into going to. We get there and we don’t know anyone. The one person we know is always talking to someone else, and your friend, boyfriend, or grandma, doesn’t offer you the attention that they promised.

The best part is that everyone acts like they are having such a great time! There is only one way to get through these events…Alcohol.

Rule #1: make sure you find the bar before you start to shake hands and kiss babies.
Rule #2: order something that looks fruity so that people think you’re just drinking juice.
Rule #3: make friends with the bartender, because he will make sure there is less juice in there.

Once you’re sauced it should be easy to have a good time, but before deciding on whether this is actually the best route for you, let’s consider the following…

There are 4 types of drunks out there:

1.      The ones who love everyone (social drunks)

2.      The ones who sit alone in a corner (weirdo)

3.      The slutty ones (daddy issues)

4.      The ones who get angry (unhappy people or D-bags)

If you are 1-3, then proceed as planned, I won’t judge. If you’re # 4 then either you’re too much of a D-bag to actually ever find yourself in the above mentioned predicament in the first place, or you’re a kind hearted soul with internal issues (which you should keep to yourself). So, here are some nice alternatives for how to spend your time at these events:

1.      Food – If you’re eating all the time, then it’s much easier to pretend to be interested in that boring conversation at your table, or whatever awkward spot you’ve been placed in. It’s rude to speak with your mouth full so no one will question why you haven’t piped up.

2.      Walking around the room a few times pretending like you are lost or looking for someone – Stick to one or two laps at a time, otherwise people will start to wonder whether you even belong there.

3.      Looking through your phone for important messages (a.k.a. sex-ting) – Send as many random texts as you can, someone is bound to answer.

4.      Sending important work emails on your phone (a.k.a. playing hangman, scrabble, or any variation of that which you consider fun) – Self explanatory, just don’t yell yatzee! You'll look and sound stupid.

5.      Find the drunkest person in the room and challenge yourself to have a conversation – This one is my favorite, because they will never remember it anyway, so no pressure. Depending on what kind of drunk you choose, you will either have an amazing time, be weirded out, get laid, or get yelled at, so choose wisely.

NOT Into You

You know that movie "He's Just Not That Into You?" Women will go to their graves swearing that it's not accurate and not true, and so will the men who know better.

In my experience, that movie is dead on! I didn't want to write this until I collected some more evidence, so as always I had my lunch hour discussion with the girls and got some interesting ideas to rant about. I also, checked with some guys just to be sure I am not making this up in my head.

First of all, I want to say that I love the part in the movie where the African ladies are sitting around offering their friend some comforting words for why he didn't contact her anymore. It goes like this:

Girl 1: Maybe he lost your hut number?
Girl 2: Maybe he got eaten by a lion?

The second one sounds like PAR for the course in Africa, but kind of ridiculous here doesn't it? Then again, some of the stuff we tell each other is pretty ridiculous, no no matter where you are in the world.

Every time a guy doesn't call, doesn't text, and doesn't set up a date, you can rest assured that his best friend didn't die, he didn't lose his phone, or your number, and he definitely didn't get eaten by a lion! He just doesn't care, so put your best slutty dress on, gather up your girls, and hit up your favorite spot cause you're gonna have to move on.

There are times when we are pretty sure he is interested and then we wonder why he takes so long to see you again, or why he doesn't text you that often. The answer is simple, you're not his first priority, not even his first option for that Happy Hour drink. So, for all intents and purposes, you should walk away. When a guy is interested and into you, you will know! He will set up the next date within a day or two of the first one, some guys may try setting up the second date while on the first one. He won't use leaving town as an excuse to not contact you, example:

Girl: I'm making out with this guy and he mentions that he's going out of town so he's gonna be out of touch
Guy 1: To where New Guinea? Where is he going that he's gonna be out of touch?
Girl: Where are you going out of town to again?
Guy 2: Pittsburgh
Guy 1: Run!

Of course our girlfriends don't help, they sit there and allow us to brainwash ourselves by thinking about all the "signs" he gave us. He answered the phone while with another girl, that must mean he likes me - NO - if he likes you so much why is he on a date WITH SOMEONE ELSE. He invited me to a party so he must want to spend time with me - NO - that just means he is killing 2 birds with a stone, if he wanted to spend time with you he would invite you out on a date!

Let's keep it real, we know if a guy is not into you he doesn't call or text that often, or at all, and doesn't try to see you that often, or at all. We get it, but what about women? We are even worse! When we aren't interested in a guy we don't just slowly disappear, sometimes we don't disappear at all. We keep you around because we know that you're safe, and I can't believe I'm admitting this but it's true, almost every woman has done this at least once in her life. We keep that guy around because he answers the phone, because he won't say no to a date, because he will offer good entertainment, and treat us kindly, but at the end of the night you and I both know he's going home alone. That's not to say that we are stringing you along to torture you, most good girls won't, it's just that if you don't make your intentions clear, you make it easy for even the nice girls to hit the friend road without any remorse.

Like the movie says "she still calls, she wants a massage, she leaves cute messages, but it's not going anywhere, what is she doing?" I believe the correct answer is: using you!

It's true that sometimes a girl likes you and just wants you to be a man and make a move, but if you've made it clear that you want to be more than friends, and the above mentioned behavior is still in effect, you too should walk away. Call your boys or whatever it is men do. Find a one night stand, or go shoot some hoops, but really, just move on.

Bambi - A Story About the "Hood"

Ok, so it’s Friday, I’m gonna keep this short.

Someone sent me a picture of an injured deer yesterday and I somehow got this movie stuck in my head.

Is this not the most accurate portrayal of modern society in a kid’s movie? I mean as far as kids go, it’s no Alice in Wonderland, but if you read between the lines it can be a little messed up.

My theory – It’s a story about the hood.

Here we have a story about a deer, whose mother gets shot and dad isn't around because he is busy being the "Great Prince of the Forest." According to my co-worker that just means he's "hoeing around." So, somehow back in 1942 Walt Disney had the vision to see the future...lots of single mothers raising their kid alone because daddy is being a "hoe" someplace.

So after the mom gets shot daddy miraculously shows up to bail Bambi out, but offers no real emotional support and then leaves again. So he grows up and starts liking this girl (Faline) and ends up killing another dude over her. If that isn’t enough drama, then Bambi himself ends up getting shot after having to fight some dogs off his girl. I mean what I say?! THE HOOD.

When I told my friend I was blogging about Bambi she asked if it was the movie or the stripper. Enough said. What kind of name is Bambi for a boy anyway?!

Tebow vs. the Miami Dolphins

Ok, so this is going to be a rant...

As we all know, the Dolphins are having a terrible season! 0-5 as of 10/23/2011 at 1pm. However, the main focus on this past Sunday's game was not that we were 0-5, but that we were playing the Broncos with former Florida QB Tim Tebow as the starter. Now, I am a Gator fan, but I also love my Dolphins, so I got questioned all week about who I was rooting for. The answer = I love Tebow and wanted to see him do well, but I am a Dolphins fan first, so while I rooted for Tebow's stats to be decent, I wanted my Dolphins to win.

So here is what actually happened, for those of you who didn't waste 3 hours of your lives watching this sorry game. Tebow sucked as much as Michael Jordan when he tried to play baseball (remember that train wreck?). He made terrible decisions and several mistakes. He was so bad that in the 4th Quarter, the score was 15-0 Dolphins. Here is the kicker, the Dolphins should have been up 16-0, but thanks to our garbage coaches (pick one), they went for a 2 point conversion when they scored a Touchdown! Of course they missed said 2 point conversion and had to settle for 6 points instead of 7.

So now it's the 4th quarter and somehow the Broncos get 2 Touchdowns in less than 3 minutes. Then they do a 2 point conversion and get it, which ties the game at 15 all. Had the Dolphins not attempted that idiotic and completely unnecessary 2 point conversion in the first place the score would have ended at 16-15 Dolphins, but noooo, now we have a tied game and OT.

OT starts, and of course we lose by a field goal, final score 18-15 Broncos.

What bothers me is that everyone who had been talking smack about Tebow the entire game now loves him. So I’m sitting there angrily thinking....what the hell is everyone so proud of? Tebow didn't do anything to be proud of. You don’t believe me? His stats speak for themselves. I have one word for that – OVERRATED.

Then I have to put up with garbage headlines like “Denver And Tebow Have Won!" Broncos Stun Dolphins 18-15 In Overtime Thriller” I mean seriously? That was the most boring game of football I have ever witnessed, even the commentators said it! There was nothing thrilling about that game, except maybe the last 3 minutes and then OT (if you like the Broncos).

I love Tim Tebow, but right now he is looking like the next Tony Romo – Overrated till the end!

So Dolphins didn’t win and Tebow’s stats didn’t impress. Here is to 0-6!

Common Courtesy

I was walking to lunch yesterday, and as my co-worker and I were attempting to exit the elevator, a guy rushes in like he was gunning for the end zone! I was like, OK Reggie Bush, settle down! Typically, one lets people get off the elevator before attempting to get in. So that started an entire conversation about "common courtesy."

First of all, let’s talk metro. Why do people insist on getting up before the metro stops? They get up, making the person on the outside seat get up as well, then they start trying to make their way to the door (mind you, train is still in motion). As they walk, everyone is forced to move out of the way and sometimes that requires a person to let go of the hand rail to make way. So now the train starts breaking and everyone starts falling, and all because that inconsiderate SOB couldn't wait till the train came to a full stop before moving.

Some people will tell you it’s rush hour and the train is packed so they don’t want to get stuck, but I have been in the worst rush hours, in the inside seat, in the middle of the metro car, and I still make it to the door (without moving one inch prior to the train stopping). It also doesn’t explain why people do this when it’s NOT rush hour.

Other courtesy calls, which are stated by the PA system on the metro but everyone ignores:

-Please move to the center of the car, do not crowd the doors.
-Please wait until customers get off before attempting to board the train.

I love it when someone gets on the train, knowing there are like 10 other people behind them, and then they just stop, right by the door. So now everyone else is having trouble walking in cause the doors aren't that wide. The best thing is that I watch them to see where they get off (maybe 1 stop, max 2?). These people stay on the train after I'm off, and I have a long commute.

My personal favorite is when the train is full and some A-hole is leaning (full body) against the pole. These poles are not for striping, or for hugging, or for leaning! They are meant for a person to hold on, and it only takes one hand to hold on. So I find myself playing the snowboarding balance game because I can't hang on to anything! D-bags!

Now, on to escalators and walking in narrow hallways, the same principles apply to both. Don’t block the escalators. Stand to the right to allow people to pass you on the left, same concept as driving. I know, I know, nobody follows these rules when driving, especially in Miami, but hell, this is DC, have some common sense! When you’re walking down the halls, if you and your friends are taking up all the room, make sure you are not blocking someone behind you who may be in a hurry, especially if you move like molasses.

The Japanese pretty much have this figured out, it’s a beautiful thing. They don’t block escalators, they have the subway figured out, and when someone is lost or needs to stop for whatever reason, they move out of the way. In a city as crowded as Tokyo, it’s so wonderful to see organized chaos for once! The problem is that people here are selfish and everyone is always in their own little world thinking about themselves.

Eddies

I was speaking with my co-worker, and we got into this random discussion about men. She started to tell me about this guy she dated (Eddie) who was possessive and controlling, and of course treated her poorly. In the discussion, another co-worker started talking about her sister's boyfriend who was verbally abusive. Then I started having flashbacks of my ex, and how he ignored me and lied to me as if that was his part-time job.

So the stories start pouring in, and we realize that we have all dated an "Eddie." Of course Eddie changes nationalities and accents, height and hair color, but at the end of the day he is THAT guy who you wish you could have skipped over in the dating cycle, but didn't.

There are different types of Eddies, the ones who cheat on you, the ones who won't call you his girlfriend (but still want all the benefits of commitment), the ones who use you, the possessive/insecure ones...the list goes on, and on...

My question then becomes, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? We date a guy who we know is a D-bag, but we stick around. Even the strongest, most independent women I know have been caught with an Eddie. They see him from a mile away, they see the red flags, but yet they still date him!

Don't think women are the only ones this happens to, because men have it pretty bad too, we even have a term for it, it's called being whipped! We all have that guy friend who is dating that girl nobody likes. She treats him like dirt and is mean to all his friends, yet he worships her?

This baffles me in so many ways, but I am not here to provide answers, because quite frankly I don't have them. Just be aware that these people are out there, and when you date one, just know that it happens - life goes on...

I'll leave you with a fun quote:

*Chris Rock: "ladies, if you've been dating a guy for 6 months and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend"

Contractors

Oh yes, the infamous government contractors. Why do we have these? Is the question I've been asking myself since I had the wonderful pleasure (sarcasm inserted) to work with them about this time last year.

First of all, they are all so full of it! You show me a contractor and I'll show you a person who can BS their way out of jail with a monopoly card. They walk around re-inventing the wheel and taking credit for it. They make your projects last 3 times as long as they should, because ultimately, all they are trying to do is extend their contracts. Therefore, the longer the project lasts, the longer they stay on board, the longer they get paid.

Here are some of the techniques they used while I worked with them:

Have meetings all day! Every day! The more the better, here is why - meetings assure that nothing is getting done, so you spend all day talking about what is required, but no time is actually spent on moving the project forward. If someone suggests a brilliant idea that will cut the man hours in half, they find holes in the suggestion, and argue until they get their way. Which brings me to my next point...

 Long discussions (a.k.a. arguments). They will sit there and talk circles around any topic because that is what they are trained to do. Again, the point is to extend that project, which extends the contract.

Ignore all suggestions from the government agency. Some contractors forget who works for whom, and they treat the government employees like the incompetent people that stereotypes say we are, because without our input, the project cannot  move forward. 

Meetings about meetings! It is not uncommon for contractors to want to get together with you to discuss what will be discussed AGAIN in a later meeting. So hey, lets talk about what you wanna talk about in that meeting at 2pm...what?! It's 1pm, can't you wait another hour and let me do my job? Anyone else think this is an utter waste of tax payer dollars?

I admit that sometimes contractors are needed, especially when an organization doesn't have the internal talent to accomplish the task at hand. I once worked with contractors from a different company who actually made things better, then again they were computer guys. BUT here is MY problem - when we hire contractors to do a job that should clearly be left to those who are already embedded in the organization, for instance; Leadership Development.

What would a contractor know about developing employees in an organization that they don't belong to? When you have these tools sitting in a meeting, asking what xyz means, and your mouth hits the floor because you're thinking...Really? You are making it mandatory for employees to take a course on xyz, and you don't even know what it is?! Then they develop an entire curriculum based on what other government organizations require in their own Leadership Development programs.

I know what you're thinking, all government organizations are created equal, furthermore, Leadership Development should have the same requirements across the board, but I think not. Different organizations require different skills in order for their leaders to be effective and accomplish their jobs. Therefore, the best way to develop leaders in an organization is by first obtaining the expert opinion of those who have been working there long enough to understand the inner workings of the company. What is its primary mission? Who are they serving? What skills are effective with what job titles?

Contractors wouldn't know the answers to these questions because they work for a contracting company that works very differently from a government agency. Furthermore, their primary objective conflicts with the government. Their objective is to make their contract last as long as possible, therefore wasting precious government resources that you and I are paying for through taxes.

So why have contractors? Is it because everyone is right and government employees are too lazy/incompetent to do the job themselves? Or because it's too expensive to hire someone full time and pay the benefits? Or because ultimately, a contract is only as good as it is renewed?

I don't have the answer to this, I only know that I don't agree with their practices and wish that they could leave the agency's development to those who belong there, those whose careers will be affected by the changes.

Intro

This blog started with my girlfriends and I enjoying our much appreciated yet often short lunch hour. We often joke about life, work, and boys. That's not to say that we dont have our venting sessions where we complain about the above mentioned topics. Nevertheless, whether its a funny joke or a tirade, we tend to keep things interesting, but most importantly - real.

If you are easily offended, you should probably stay away from this blog, since we will make fun of one thing or another with no regard for "hurt feelings." It's not that we are bad people, it's just that life is too short...

I should probably take responsiblity for whats written here, since I'm the one doing the writting, so any angry comments can come to me. However, feel free to share the positives as well. Last, but not least, ENJOY!